Before there were children, there was a family -- a family made up of husband and wife.  After the children go, there will still be a family.

Success at the job of parenting depends on the strength of the partnership of the caregivers.   Preserving that partnership and keeping it strong is vital.

Unity Among the Partners

Perhaps nothing is more important than unity among the caregiving partners, whether it is a traditional family, blended family, or single family.   From unity comes consistency and from consistency comes clear understanding of expectations.  In creating an atmosphere of clear expectations, much has been done to head off potential problems.

From Unity Comes Consistency

The result of spouses being united is a consistent approach to the activities of daily living and parenting.  To be consistent means that things get done essentially the same way, no matter who is or isn't at home.  This means that both parents have to enforce the household rules.  Because consistency is evidence of unity, it is of utmost importance that parents create a household in which expectations and consequences are consistent.

When there is disagreement on the rules, the need for unity requires that parents adjourn themselves to a private, quiet time and come to some agreement.  Children should not see any evidence of parental disunity.  This process of agreement will mean compromising with your spouse.

(By the way, the principle of consistency not only is an asset to parenting, but also to just getting along with spouses and other people.  If you agree to keep things a certain way -- consistently -- each person involved will benefit from the predictability thus afforded.  If you want to stretch your abstract thinking, consider this:  you can even consistently be unpredictable, thus affording the ability to predict that something unpredictable might happen....)
 

Unity Comes from Understanding

In order to be united, parents must fully understand each other.  Previously, it was stated that unity leads to consistency which, at times demands compromise.  To compromise often means taking the perspective of the other person.  That is to say, to compromise means to understand.
 
Understanding Comes from Sharing

For partners to achieve the levels of understanding required demands meaningful exchange of thoughts and feelings.   This exchange leads to higher levels of intimacy -- of being connected to, being merged with the other.  (For the single parent, this merging is akin to self understanding -- knowing oneself by process of reflection and thought.)

To create the opportunity for such sharing, partners must invest time in one another.  They must share their life stories, their hopes, dreams, and fears, their ambitions, and all that makes them who they are.  They must share experiences and build up a stockpile of good experiences from which they can draw when facing harder times.

Parenting as Partners -- Strengthening the Partnership

 At this point, it is time to put action to this topic.  By now, the value of consistency should apparent.  That consistency is, in part, a product of the unity among members of the care giving partnership should also be established.  Such unity comes from the development of understanding via the deliberate sharing of ideas, feelings and experiences.

 Thus, it is time to make a concrete, certain commitment to engaging in a time of sharing and self-refreshment.  These questions should help you move from thinking it is a good idea to actually doing it.
 

What do you need to do about child care while you are on this date?

• If you need a sitter, who could you get?  Is there someone (perhaps another couple you know) with whom you could trade baby sitting?

(Couples -- extra work)
Decide if it will be one of you planning and surprising the other or if you will mutually plan it.

• If you decide to mutually plan it, DO SO NOW!  What better time will you have than now?  Think about it, when you can go to work on Monday and people ask what you did in Sunday School, you can say you planned a date with your spouse!  They will think you weren't paying attention..... Anyway, PLAN IT NOW!